You know, it's been a while since I've written in this, but that's ok. I've decided not to let this be a terribly often occurrence. Partly because it can be a chore to maintain, but mainly because every thought I share with the world is one thought richer I make it, and quite frankly at this point I prefer to have as many advantages over the world as possible. Perhaps - who am I kidding, "perhaps"? - this is a bit selfish, but I don't care. They're my thoughts; I'll keep 'em and share them when and with whom I decide. I still plan on having good stuff to put in here. It is, after all, still a good exercise.
Last Christmas when I was home I met the daughters of that family who were my new neighbors. I remember thinking that the younger one (a few years younger than myself) was rather attractive. Unfortunately, in the six or so months that have gone by between now and then, I have forgotten her name. I asked Dad, and he thinks the younger was Alice and the elder Becky. Those names seem to fit in memory, but I want some more verification before - oh, yes; I've gotten ahead of myself. I saw an ad for the musical "Beauty and the Beast" (based off of the Disney production) being shown at the Orpheum. I decided that I will purchase two tickets to see it, and then ask her to go with me; if she declines for whatever reason, I can go with one of my sisters, or Mom. My friend thought that this plan was a riot. Well, whatever it is, let's hope it works.
The interesting thing is that this morning I went outside to see what kind of a day it was, and I noticed that it was pretty nice. "What a great day," I thought. "I hope Mom doesn't ask me to go help out with the garage sale. I want to enjoy it." Mom, you see, is running another garage sale at the south Omaha house (which we desperately need to sell). I overheard her this morning talking to Dad about how tired it was making her, and so of course there is the possibility that she will want help with it. So anyway, I wanted to enjoy this nice day (and what am I doing now? sitting downstairs typing on my computer). I then pondered how I would do so. I suppose I would do it with a walk, or by perhaps lying on the ground and watching clouds (if, indeed, there are any today; I didn't notice the sky in my first assessment). But what if I had a significant other? I would not necessarily be free to enjoy my time as I pleased. It would be unfair to ignore her desires for the day. What if she wanted to go somewhere? Or just hang out with me?
Yes, I realize that these thoughts are rather out of place, considering that I haven't even asked her to "go out" with me yet. I quickly realized that this is classic "guy is afraid of commitment" thinking, and I was amused - and frustrated. Here I am not even in a relationship, and I'm afraid of it being too deep a commitment. I can laugh it off as a subconscious element trying to get me to avoid the emotional risk of asking her out, but still it worries me. I've always thought of myself as a somewhat "sensitive" guy. I suppose that doesn't mean I can't be a little cautious regarding my "freedom", but it seems pretty darn self-centered and callous to me.
Speaking of calluses, I'm getting them. On my feet. It comes of wearing steel-toed boots and standing in them all day long. I found this interesting; I didn't know you could get calluses that way. I thought there had to be friction, or mild puncturing, or at least heat. I hope the calluses lessen the pain that begins to set in at the end of the day. It hurts.