You know, a while back I was talking to someone online who'd read these journals. She said something about how I started out sounding rather superior (in a snotty sort of way) but that she'd seen some humanity coming out later on. I thought it was kind of an odd observation; I didn't feel that way when I wrote them. I even went back and read through some again - both censored and uncensored versions. They didn't seem "superior" to me.
Tonight I was going through random online journals at opendiary.com, and just now (I've gone offline to work on this - and head to bed) I think I've realized something. People are inferior. Ha; it was fun to put that way. But, seriously, there is something casual and petty about most of them. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but if this girl was in the habit of reading journals like those, I can see why she'd see something different about mine. I'm still not sure I'd call it "superior", but that may be merely because I don't like the haughty feeling that word carries. More refined, certainly. Journals I've been reading are sort of random. Many have atrocious grammar and/or spelling. And they're just plain insignificant-feeling. The stuff I write, of course, is significant to me - I wouldn't write it otherwise - and I assume others only write what they think is significant to themselves. Do I just not place as much significance on those internal things that have little external significance? Why do I sound elitist? Well, now I'm just ending up with questions again, when I started writing this as what I thought was a solution. Ah, well.
Also, shout outs to all my peeps, and here are my favorite bands, and oh I could have just died today when my mom told me we were out of froot loops. Geez.
I think I'll start working on my pile of sci-fi now; maybe it will get me into a mood for writing a story. Immersion in the medium can't hurt. At the least I'll be grazing in a pasture, hoping to make my own milk, as one of my English professors says. What a funny analogy. I like it, though; milk is made of grass, but it's grass from many pastures, and at least it's been through a transformation - though a biological system, no less. Actually, I think I like the idea of a bee's honey replacing that. I like bees.
Hey, I was just going over some old entries, trying to figure out where to place one of the handwritten ones I've got lying around one place or another, and I noticed a comment I made about "courting" (for lack of a better term):
"Fascinatingly enough, though, this means that either the pursued must be ignorant of the chase or a willing quarry. That's an interesting thought - in the latter a relationship is pretty much blessed or cursed from the start; in the former it takes on a devious hue."
The other thing about the pursued being a willing quarry is that the chase looks awfully pointless.