I am in a very good mood today. I'm not sure why. It could be that the weather today is very nice. It may be that my gastronomical abstinence last night has affected me bodily in some pleasant way. It might be that dressing up (excepting the sandals) and shaving has made me feel "a new man". Perhaps having an erotic dream this morning has released some subconscious tension. I don't know. I assume it is some combination of these and/or other factors. But I feel dandy.
However, I do not feel that today is a good day to die. I suppose this is because there are a number of unresolved things for me to do. I need to write my mother. I need to write my father. I need to write 80% of my Ruby program for my Networks class. I have work to do (and to make up for) in Digital, and I really ought to get started on the two papers coming up in Ethics. I have to find and complete my FAFSA. Look for a job this summer. Plan Spring Break. Look into taking Intertestamental Period over the summer break. I'm sure there are many others.
So, I am in a good mood, if not a *great* one.
I still do not know what I am to do about Zelda. I can't seem to get her out of my head for more than a few days at a time. And it bothers me that I think of her so much. The latest theory on my obsession is that she is significant because I have made her so. When I first received her positive initial resonse I said to myself, "This is a confidence boost. Even if taking her to Beauty and the Beast ends up not being the best experience, I've now been received well, and shan't feel as terribly nervous asking other girls out, come this next school year." I had not counted on extreme frustration or that feeling of deceptive rejection - which, though perhaps not what actually happened, was what I felt.
Of course, I hadn't really counted on her being what she is, either. I'd envisioned a perfectly typical girl. Not one who - Kevin, stop it.
I've also recently renewed my interest in AI. I've got what I think will be a nice model, and I'll soon be implementing it in the Aquarium program. And Loopholes, too. Perhaps I will finish Royalty's help file. Or write some of those stories.
I suppose I can attribute some of this motivation to the triangle. Three concepts I'm beginning to take to heart:
1) Never look forward to anything.
This I've learned through repeated disappointment on the Zelda front. Let it not be mistaken for pessimism or even anti-optimism. Hope is fine, so long as no happiness is projected or expected in any way.
2) Never count on anyone else.
This is not so isolationist as it seems at first glance. It would probably be better represented as "If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself." It is fine to seek help, as long as expectations are minimal. I began to realize this one the night I went to see "See How They Run", a play organized by a fellow student. It was an acute reminder that "When Life Hands You Lemons" was not being done. This was to a large degree because I'd expected a good portion of the administrative details to have been handled by Alan Anderson - head of Stage Right. But Alan has not made Stage Right a high priority, and he did little to nothing to help me. Of course, this isn't really his fault - it was an overestimation on my part. And I don't think I was prepared to put forth all the effort really needed from me. Which brings us to point three.
3) Never assume something of yourself.
I assumed I had the motivation, diligence, and organization to direct "Lemons". Whether because I simply lacked that or because I'd counted on having more assistance, I was wrong. I often assume I will be interested enough in a class to make it worthwhile without pushing. Most of the time, I am wrong.
So, there it is. Now, lacking paper, a pencil sharpener, and much homework time, I close.