Well, it certainly has been a while since I wrote in here. I have news. Lots of it. In fact, I'm not really sure where I last left off. I *do* remember addressing the 34k e-mail, now; I remember linking to a 17k journal entry for online readers' reference (if indeed I have any). That was roughly a month and a half ago. I *think* that is the last time I wrote. I have thought several times that I "needed" to put it down, but I haven't been in much of a writing mood. I'm still not, but I feel I really must record it all, lest there be a too-too long gap in the journals.
I suppose I shall go in chronological order. A bit previous to aforementioned e-mail, Alan caught some disease and went, as usual, to the hospital. A week or so after [the 34k, which was also the night of Hootenanny], his condition had become more severe, his parents came down from South Dakota, and he was moved to the intensive care unit in a hospital in Dallas.
Let me go back a bit, now, and talk about Hootenanny. First of all, Hootenanny is an annual variety show. I have not attended Hootenanny in years past, and so when Bob invited me to join his crazy "duplicator" skit as a duplicated knight, I accepted. Performers are granted free admission, you see. And I didn't place enough value in Hootenanny to spend money on admittance (inexpensive though it was). The night of the performance came, and, because he was lacking an actor in the other of his two skits, Bob recruited me for it, as well. It was rather enjoyable - I got whipped cream about my face.
So, then, back to the "present". Alan kept getting worse - or, rather, wasn't getting any better, which was rather a bad thing - and I still hadn't heard from Zelda about my e-mail after several weeks. Additionally, some critical classes (offered in the spring only) of mine were threatening to turn out quite badly. There was also the issue of summer employment to worry about, and all the financial concerns that hinged upon it. To summarize a bit, I passed my classes, Alan died, I still don't have a job, and - well, I'll cover Zelda after I've taken care of another Alan issue.
Shortly after school terminated and I was back in Omaha, his parents held a wake service and funeral for him up in South Dakota. Fortunately, a fellow LeTourneau Omahan and I were able to catch a ride with Chip, Alice, and Dick, who were coming up from Texas. The thing is, last spring break when we (Chip, Alice, Alan, and I) stopped by his house, his mother told us that we were the first (and, now, only) friends he'd ever brought home. Now, I'd known he was a little closed in high school, but I'd not realized… In any case, all of his relatives were without exception very impressed with the five of us. It was, apparently, a very big deal to them that we'd driven ALL THE WAY to South Dakota. I don't think any of us were really sure how to deal with the way we were fawned over - I know I wasn't.
I was very glad to have gone; it was good, somehow, to see his body, and his family, and… well, it was a good experience - if somewhat mournful. It is rather ironic. The reason Alan avoided close friendships most of his life was because he knew he would die fairly young, and he didn't want to hurt anyone. He's dead, and I'm his friend, and it hurts, but I also feel privileged and - well, the word these days is a bit skewed, but - special.
Well, then, let's get on with this. I've just returned from Alan's funeral in South Dakota. I have still received no response to the 34k whopper sent five weeks earlier. I am in the midst of putting together an altered-lyric version of Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" entitled "One Month", asking for some sort of explanation. On Saturday night, returning from a friend's, I notice her car is in their driveway for the first time this summer. I take this as a good sign, since it meant that she was in Papillion for at least a little while before heading overseas for the summer. Well, either that or her parents had driven her car home.
Wow. I'd thought I'd mentioned that in an earlier journal entry, but as I copy this down from paper I realize I hadn't. I'd known since Christmastime that she was headed to England for a summer class. At least, I'd heard from my mother. When I talked with her, I made casual mention of summer plans, hoping to get a confirmation or denial on the information. I didn't get one. But, later on this semester as I was talking to her online, she gleefully announced that she had tickets. My heart sank when I heard that, but I still played ignorant (as I only knew via mother-hearsay, and was afraid of knowing more than I "should") as she explained. That was one of the reasons Christmastime, when I didn't see her much at all, was particularly depressing: I knew our spring breaks didn't coincide, and my chances of coming home for Thanksgiving again next year are slim, and so I realized that the next time I would be able to see her would be next Christmastime. But back to the story; I saw her car, and was encouraged.
Her proximity motivated me to complete "One Month" and send it, which I did Sunday afternoon. Later that day, I was browsing through the saved e-mails I'd sent and those few I'd received, and began feeling a little guilty for the altered tone of the last two (34k and "One Month"). I composed and sent a more "normal" e-mail.
The next day as I walked around the neighborhood, I really wanted to go see her - in person. I still wasn't sure of when she was leaving for England, and I wanted to see her before she went. But, I didn't wish to be overbearing. Two e-mails and a visit within two days of returning home? Quite a bit. But the unknown ship date really pressed on me, and I decided I had to call either that day (Monday) or the next. I debated between the two as I walked, feeling deep inside that I ought to wait until Tuesday but very much wanting to go right away. I asked God for assistance.
I was reminded that his will would be done, and that all things work out for the good of those that know him. And I realized that in a certain sense, my actions right then were superfluous. And it was very liberating; I decided to do what I *wanted* to do. But then, interestingly enough, I tried to convince myself not to. I was firm, however, and went to her home.
I learned several encouraging things that evening. I learned that she liked the same mechanical pencil I do - the model that even now do I bear in my hand. Yea; nearly all the handwritten journal entries (and, these days, that's most of them) were written with a 0.5mm Pentel Quicker-Clicker (TM). Also, I learned that she had tried to respond to every e-mail she received from me. And I learned that she'd thought herself rather successful. And I learned that she never received the 34k.
!
She was rather pitying of me, and was very sorry about the whole affair, but I was ecstatic. If she hadn't received those e-mails, it meant that 2/3 of my efforts hadn't been ignored or disregarded by Zelda but by AOL. Stupid AOL. But, oh! I was very happy. I warned her about the latest two messages (she hadn't checked her mail since returning to Papillion), and alluded to the heaviness of the 34k. Oh, but I was happy. After all, that had been one of the biggest stressors in my relationship with her - not knowing, and being discounted. I still did not really know what she thought of me, but at least there was not this large glaring piece of negativity (and uncertainty).
These things were not all I learned that day. I also learned that she had not yet seen Attack of the Clones. I hadn't, either, and on further inquiry I learned that, yes, she would like to see it with me.
!
It was a wonderful interaction, all in all. *And* I learned that she would be in Lincoln the next day, which meant that if, in my earlier debate, I had decided to wait until then (as I'd felt I should have done), I wouldn't have seen her at all. And since my decision was based on divine advice (and certainly wouldn't have had the same outcome otherwise), it has a cool feeling to it.
Other things were happening, as well. Edward was getting married on Saturday. There was a wedding rehearsal on Friday and a bachelor's party on Wednesday. This was rather unfortunate, since Zelda's and my schedules were already conflicting (she gone Tuesday, I out Wednesday, Friday, Saturday - and I allotted myself Thursday to recover from the bachelor's party, if need be; I wasn't sure how that would be). On Tuesday (while she was in Lincoln) she received the two e-mails I'd sent on Sunday, and replied. Again, she apologized for not receiving so many, particularly the addressed 34k, because it "sounded really important". I was delighted.
I spoke with her again briefly before the party, and it was most enjoyable (as it is every time). We discussed, briefly, alcohol (as it was an element of the party, and her 21st birthday is approaching). I was glad to hear her talk about what she thought.
Now, I know I'd intended to catch up on this journal with this entry, but it's awfully long, now. I think I'll cut it off, type it in, censor/upload, and finish the rest later. The bachelor's party is as good a point as any. Ciao.