Well, talked to that girl I met online again tonight. Visited her website, too. Followed along her set of journal entry sort of things, and found myself caring for her. Wrote her up a nice long e-mail, too. I'll just paste the thing in here; a lot of it really should have been in here to begin with anyway.
[Her name]-
I have to say, I enjoyed reading your writings. Very good. Impractical as it is (and as such it annoys me no end), I am a people-watcher sort of person. It's great to follow along with [the annotated portions of] someone's life. People are so fascinating.
Well, as I didn't really *intend* to write this e-mail (I was just blindly clicking my merry way through your site, to be sure I got it all), I guess I'll ponder a bit.
I think it is better than you are not online right now; if you were, I either wouldn't have commented on your life at all or would have confined myself to some small shallow thing. As it is, I feel compelled to tell you that I love you. Not in any odd sort of infatuated way -- I understand the uses and abuses of that word, and I assure you, this is not an "attraction" thing (despite any visual appreciation I may or may not have for you) -- but after reading the [slice of the segment of] life you've offered to share, and in whatever degree of "intimacy" we can be said to have shared in actual conversation, you've gained my sympathy and care.
Here's where I wax philosophical, I guess. Ah, for an audience. Ha, ha! O ironic soapbox, how I wonder at thee!
Ok; stay with me; that paragraph will probably make more sense after you get the actual content of this thing.
I was actually thinking about "journals" today. Most people, perhaps all, are rather tragically lonely. Heck, I'll admit it; a lot of the time, I'm a pretty lonely guy. There are many who would regard that statement, coming from a Christian, as some sort of blasphemy or proof that I don't have a "real" relationship with God.
God is the one, if I recall correctly, that said it is not good for man to be alone.
There's something other people provide, some sort of bond; at the risk of going cliche on you I'll say that everybody wants to "make a connection". As an oldies man, myself, I think of the song that refrains, "Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? You've got to find somebody to love..." Sort of funny that way, I suppose; the song doesn't say you need somebody to love you, but that the need goes the other way around. Of course, considering the time period it was written in, it may very well be using the more physical meaning of the verb, but, hey, it helps my point.
Whatever it is, it's something you (the rhetorical "you", here) want to do, and all you want on the other end is for people to care about [you because of] the fact that you did it. It isn't, perhaps, flat out selfless love like God's, but for conditional love it's got an awfully low price.
Listen to me! Hear what I have to say! And care about it!
When I started my "journal", I didn't write it so I could publish it. I made that decision somewhat afterwards. But, even when it was a private thing, I wrote to an audience. I suspect it is akin to talking to oneself. (Beyond "Kevin, you idiot! Why did you do that?") It's like some sort of internal feedback-affirmation issue. I have this thing I want to talk to someone about, but, guess what? Nobody is there to listen. Either the people you know are inaccessible, or perhaps you don't trust them with yourself (which is an entirely different discussion, and as I already run the risk of eating up massive amounts of your time, I'll - ). But a "journal" is safer; it doesn't talk back. And, though it doesn't tell you it gives a lick about you and your troubles (and/or fears, hopes, ideas, etc.), you don't really expect it to. Not to mention the fact that it doesn't tell you that it doesn't care. Which is, perhaps, good enough.
To hit the point I wanted to make originally ("At last! It's over and I can go back to doing homework or reading e-mail or whatever-else-it-is-the-recipient-of-this-e-mail-has-to-do!"), I wanted you to know that I read it, and that I care. I will continue to follow your [published] life with attentiveness, and concern.
Whew. Been a while since I wrote one of these long ones. Man; I guess I ought to have thrown this into my own "thoughts.doc" (yeah, I use Word). Right, then. Cheerio, and good night. Someone cares.