Well, this is nice. I think this format will work very well. At least, until I have less time to work with. Thus far I’ve written something in the evening, and then in the morning. I suppose the other way to look at it is as being in the morning, and then the evening. But I think evening-morning is better fitting. In between I have sleep, which is a great subconscious period. I first set down thoughts of the day, and then reflect back on them after having had a good sleep. Evening-morning, it’s more connected. Morning-evening focuses more on "what I did today", and as I guess this is hardly a journal (which is a setting down of events), but more of a setting down of thoughts, I am pleased.
Haven’t been to see some friends for a while now: and understandably so, considering that it's sort of impossible. In any case, the concept of that girl in my mind has sort of frozen. I’m not sure what that means. Not much, I suspect, since I must still admit to knowing little about her, which means I’m still in the initial attraction stage. Or something similar. I guess in a stage of attraction I’d be thinking about her a lot, obsessive-like, and that’s not happening. So, who knows. Maybe it’s because of my exposure to my other interest, throwing me off a bit. It is hard to be "obsessive" about two at a time. At least I think so. Well, in any case I’m glad, because I’m not really obsessing over either. That’s good, though there are still the occasional twangs over the other one. Stupid twangs. Not comfortable at all.
I wish I had more control over those emotions. I’m not sure what they are, anymore. At first I thought it was "love, the only emotion I don’t have control over". Now I’m not sure. Maybe it is, but I begin to suspect it’s something different. What can make you feel physically things moving around in your body? Is it just an amplified, displaced schema? I’ve always been a strong thinker in analogy; maybe my subconscious – no, it’s not my subconscious – maybe my… self communicates to me that way. Maybe it is easier. I dunno. Things are strange. But I have to understand them, if I’m ever to fulfil them. Stupid flight. Non-corporeal fantasies. I sometimes wish I never had those. But, I think I’d die without them. Life is so boring without something to aspire toward.
Took a break there, ran a spell check on this thing. Read a chapter of Life, the Universe, and Everything while I waited for it to look through it all. How nice.
Oh, hey, that’s interesting. Turned on the radio. Lonely days are gone, I’m a goin’ home, my baby just wrote me a letter. I had that song in my head the other night. Strange, it was then, and it’s strange now. Why was I singing that? It was sort of fitting, but had the wrong flavor to it. Or maybe it had the right flavor, but yet wasn’t fitting. Something like that. I’ll take the latter. If I hadn’t gone out, I probably would have read to my siblings. I’ve been meaning to do that; I guess ‘you’ didn’t know that, since I just started this a few days ago. I was going to do it, anyway, but haven’t started yet. My "adopted mother" said it was a good thing to do. I did it last year, and enjoyed it. I read them Cyrano de Bergerac and The Phantom Tollbooth. I’ve been planning to read them the Chronicles of Narnia, but maybe I’d rather do some Tolkien. I’ve been meaning to read the Lord of the Rings trilogy for a while.
What was it? I had a strange dream this morning; I was going to write it down, or something, but I forgot. It involved a wonderful world; it was so real. I like when my mind comes up with whole worlds. At least then they’re coherent. Sometimes they’re not, and make little sense. I hope I can remember the dream. Perhaps I will write it in tonight’s entry, if I remember.